alright, so it probably wasn’t as bad as career destruction, but i was totally going in the wrong direction in the last place i worked. i recognized the signs within a month of beginning, that my interview had sold me on something that did not exist. being the type that has little trouble rolling with the punches, i thought i’d just go with it and try to shape my experiences as i went. no success. it didn’t take long before i was stealthily on the job market again, and just hoping to minimize my losses.
there was a lot of hopelessness in the middle. after all, i had just spent several years being miserable as a grad student. (excepting my grad lab, i hated damn near every aspect of my grad school experience. i say this now after having had some time to develop some misty nostalgia and finding myself lacking in any of it.) finding myself even MORE miserable as a postdoc was a hard blow to take when i was already down. i constantly questioned myself- and eventually wondered if maybe i just wasn’t cut out for science after all. while i was questioning myself, my confidence was also taking direct hits from the rocky seas i was sailing through at work.
this does not really prime one for looking like a great candidate on a job interview. somehow i managed it well enough. fortunately, i was able to navigate my way to something better and get my career back on track. there are posts and posts i could write about this process, but frankly i’m just now starting to get my writing back on track, and i’m really not about to start getting into that subject yet.
but there are some good lessons i have learned, now that i can look back. and now that i’ve gotten myself on the track i want to take.
1. things are not always what they seem. but sometimes they are, and sometimes you still don’t like them as much as you thought you would.
2. your career direction can always change. you just gotta focus on staying afloat when you do it, and you gotta do it carefully. there are a lot of ways to do it right, but there are more ways to do it wrong.
3. nobody cares more about your career than you do. if you remember anything, remember this. in the end, you have to look out for yourself.
i have things back on the path i was seeking. i’m very fortunate, and i’m very happy to be in my present shoes. i’m getting awesome data, i’m doing epic science, and there are few things i can do professionally that i can imagine being this rewarding. so much of my non-work life has improved by leaps and bounds as direct and indirect results of this career path shift. i got my spouse and my relationship back when i finally got rid of the pressure that had taken over my life. i got my health back, and my weight is down to where i was around the end of my first year of grad school. i got my happiness back with some balance in my life and some time to play with my bike. today, the lessons of the hardships behind me only make me better for the experience. in the thick of it, i never imagined i would be able to say that.
nobody cares more about your career than you do
Word.
Life is good.
By: Professor in Training on July 9, 2011
at 2:50 am
As you know, leigh, I’m a few months behind you in the postdoc recovery process. The third lesson is so friggin’ true. Postdocs have to take responsibility for our own careers – and any development we feel we need to get there.
Congrats on getting things back on a track where you’re happy
By: biochembelle on July 9, 2011
at 6:58 am
Agree with you and BB. This was especially true to me too: “my interview had sold me on something that did not exist.” When I was near the end of my postdoc my boss and I sat down, had a more or less frank conversation and I kinda mentioned this. He also said that he was surprised at my lack of knowledge in a certain set of techniques, to which I reminded him that before, during and after the interview I had mentioned this. Like BB, I’m way behind in the recovery process, less than a month in at my current position and eager to see where things go. I agree, a bad experience, a bad postdoc can do so much damage, or at least have an impact on every aspect of your life. One of the things that hon keeps asking is whether I’m happy at the new place, because to him, that’s all that matters. I’m walking this path very cautiously, and I hope that in a few months I start seeing the fruits of my labour. Thanks for posting this. Very true, very inspiring. You, Geeka, BB and I should get together at some point
By: Dr. 27 on July 9, 2011
at 11:26 am
I see myself in this post too. I am in the process of getting off another bad train now (they come in 3s, amirite?), literally packing and moving on to something entirely different. For me continuing on in academia/research, I saw a whole bunch of places I didn’t want to live, a whole bunch of people I didn’t want to work with or work around, and a whole bunch of situations where I would be alone without help or good mentors for support.
I’m getting on a track that isn’t what I originally saw myself doing, but I like the people and they are a happy group. I didn’t need years of postdocing for it, and they certainly won’t pay me for that in this economy. But what’s most of all important to me, I targeted WHERE I wanted to be (near my friends and family) and then job searched from there using my contacts. I should have packed up and left my PhD place and headed straight to where I wanted to be. These last years have been total wastes for me, career and personally. I’ll be taking some night classes this year to get certified in something that would give me more job security down the line if I want to jump into another field. I’m thinking in terms of exactly what I need to do to ensure that I will stay where I call home.
1. I had the same thing happen. Bait and switch, several times, for postdoc “advisors” and projects. I tried to do a switch back twice – One worked (got a new advisor for a similar project), the other did not (stuck with a bad one). I saw DOOM pretty early on, like you did. I knew in 2 weeks each time that I was screwed and had made bad decisions. I even considered turning around and going back to where I came from this last time because the movers hadn’t left yet. I should have gotten back on the plane.
2. There are a million ways to skin a cat. I was butchering it. I think I have something now that resembles a cat. I have successfully skinned cats before, just not recently. I am capable of it tho. Knowing I can do it because I’ve done it before makes a world of difference.
3. Nobody cares, but the douches all want PAPERS PAPERS DATA DATA!!!!11!!! from you, regardless of their shitty mentoring or their half-ass project from hell. When I realized that an “advisor” didn’t care about my career, I stopped caring. And I don’t feel bad about that one bit. It’s a function of not drinking their koolaid anymore. I published with people that I enjoyed working with, those that cared about the project. I didn’t publish with any parasites or deadbeats.
I’m sure alot of postdocs will read this and nod their heads. In the aftermath.
Hugs.
By: jc on July 9, 2011
at 1:44 pm
great post, and super advice.
By: gerty-z on July 10, 2011
at 8:29 pm
@PiT: indeed, it is. (well, NOW.)
@BB: thanks! indeed, we have to take action, up to and including leaving when the situation doesn’t work. hope the second time around is going better for you too.
@27: funny how this seems almost like a tired old over-told story in the postdoc lore, yes? i’m hoping the best for your shiny new job!
@jc: holy shit, another one? well i really hope the proximity to people you want to be with and the contact-based job search pan out better than the last couple of times, do let me know how that’s going. you hit it dead fucking on when you said knowing you’ve done it before makes the world of difference. in fucking deed. also, the cheapening of postdocs is what’s making this less of a training phase and more of a DATA ZOMG PAPERS for the “mentor” phase. if only we knew that going in! i’ll pass on the koolaid thanks…
@GZ: thanks! and thanks for stopping by the blog!
By: leigh on July 13, 2011
at 11:06 pm