You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2009.
my expectations of postdoc life: independence, time to learn and develop new skillz, develop my own area of interest, take on some more leadership roles, publish a lot.
boss2’s apparent expectations of postdoc: just another pair of hands to generate data? this is um, not what i heard at the interview. leigh just got totally sideswiped.
result:
majorly unpleasant exchange.
oh… fuck.
REALLY regretting some decisions right now.
and that is really all i can say on blog.
The name might not sound familiar to you, but a tremendous amount of our scientific knowledge about the effects of marijuana in humans is due to the work of Dr. Mario Perez-Reyes, emeritus professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill.
Dr. Perez-Reyes is responsible for much of the early systematic investigation of marijuana and its constituents in humans, reaching back to the early 1970s and continuing well into the late 1990s. He characterized the pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics of several marijuana constituents after varying routes of administration, pharmacologic activity of cannabinoid metabolites, tolerance to cannabinoids, effects of cannabinoids in males and females, the effects of passive inhalation of marijuana smoke, excretion of cannabinoids in milk, and interactions between marijuana and other drugs such as ethanol. This is by no means an exhaustive list of his twentysomething publications in the cannabinoid field, but a mere sampling.
Given the early state of scientific investigation of marijuana during the 1970s, these studies blazed a trail of facts through the speculation and mythology that were (and unfortunately remain) associated with the drug.
Dr. Perez-Reyes, a native of Mexico, earned his medical degree at the National University of Mexico. After completing his MD, he relocated to Maryland to do an internship and residency at Prince George’s General Hospital, then to Tennessee to complete a fellowship in Experimental Medicine Division of the Oak Ridge Institute of Nuclear Studies. After a residency in Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, he became faculty at UNC’s department of Psychiatry and led a prolific career as a physician-scientist.
In addition to his contributions in the cannabinoid field, for which he earned the 2005 Career Achievement Award from the International Cannabinoid Research Society, Dr. Perez-Reyes has also made substantial contributions to the study of other drugs of abuse in humans. His published studies include investigations of cocaine, methamphetamine, phencyclidine (PCP), and ethanol. He was involved in the characterization of naltrexone in humans, an opioid antagonist used today in treatment of opiate and alcohol dependence.
I also feel is important to note that Dr. Perez-Reyes worked to help other poorly-represented populations advance in the medical field as well. For instance, he became involved in a program designed to support women medical students in the 1970s. It is this type of attitude and involvement that help to facilitate advances in equality in science and medicine. We could use more of this attitude still today.
I once had the pleasure of sharing a dinner table with Dr. Perez-Reyes, among other distinguished researchers that a mere graduate student would only dream of being able to speak with on such a personal level. Over dinner, I found that Dr. Perez-Reyes is both a scholar and a gentleman. Additionally, at a meeting I once attended, he shared his stories of the early research in marijuana. His talk was both enlightening and entertaining, and quite reflective on how much things have changed in the last several decades. It showed that he cared deeply about his work, and truly enjoyed what he did.
Dr. Perez-Reyes made some of the earliest advances in marijuana research in human subjects, a foundation upon which much of today’s cannabinoid research continues to build. He worked hard not only in research and medicine, but also to lend a hand up to others seeking to follow in his footsteps. And this kind of professional is exactly the type of role model that I look up to.
there are so many people to meet as a new member of a department. normally, i’m fairly shy and guarded around new people, so this has required a lot of energy for me.
obviously, one has to get to know one’s immediate work group and learn how to work functionally with them. if you don’t get along well enough to work with your lab group, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. the key is mutual respect, regardless of what stage of science your coworkers are in. also, they can clue you in to the strengths, weaknesses, idiosyncrasies of the boss, the general environment, etc. the boss will be asking them about you, too. you definitely want to get on a good foot with these people.
i’ve found the local techs to be very forthcoming about their experiences with the boss. in fact, i haven’t met anyone in my working group that i have had any reason to dislike. at all.
then, of course, the boss. your learning style vs the boss’s mentoring style have to work together somehow or you aren’t going to benefit. this probably requires adjustment on both ends, but whether that happens… well, i’ll leave that open. i’ve had a major adjustment to make, as my phd mentor had published in a C/N/S journal before i was even born and was clearly well situated by the time i arrived in the lab. on the other hand, boss2 was defending a phd roughly at the same time that i was beginning college. i’m not saying this is a bad thing! but i am dealing with a mentor who is in a very different career stage, which involves different worries and different motivations than a very senior, very well established mentor. this has required me to learn this new subset of concerns and worries and how my contributions in the lab will affect this mentor’s future career and my own. boss1 is fairly more well-established, so i do get two differing perspectives on this.
it’s good to at least introduce yourself to profs in your department OTHER than your boss. this is not only good networking, it opens you up to other mentoring opportunities. it’s not that your boss is insufficient (or, who knows, maybe s/he is), but the more contacts you can make, the better. it will not hurt you to be on good terms with the pi of neighboring lab.
you cannot get through your work without the administrative support people. i always make nice with these folks immediately, because they can make your life so much easier. they’re well connected and familiar with everyone in the department. as a new postdoc on a new campus, you’re gonna be a little lost and disoriented for a while. these people will help you. they will also assist you with grant applications and other things that will affect you in the future, so it’s in your best interest to at least get off on a good foot with them.
next, the building staff, support staff, and other folks who do the daily chores so you don’t have to. will they help you get your after-postdoc job? nope! but i promise you, you’ll only benefit by being friendly with these folks too. i just met the area cleaning lady yesterday- introduced myself, took 3 minutes to have a friendly chat. today, she smiles and greets me by name, asks how i’m doing. i was tired, it was the end of yet another (very long) day of wandering through the literature making connections, and a little bit of bench work. having that pleasant interaction brightened both our days a little.
finally, MEET OTHER POSTDOCS. many schools have postdoc advocacy groups. go, meet others, don’t isolate yourself. others in your career-ladder position get what you’re going through. maybe the ones who are a little more senior can give you helpful advice and hook you up with resources you didn’t know about. and if you meet people in closely related fields, who knows what kinds of mutual benefits you might run across in the future just by having connected.
am i really telling you to just be nice to everyone? YES. everyone in your environment has an impact on your daily life… and in many cases, could be a valuable asset in developing your career. and that career development is why you’re a postdoc in the first place.
at mega u, where i went to grad school, there were very few undergrads in the area where the research went down. this was a major advantage from the graduate-student perspective. no undergrads meant less traffic and fewer annoyances (with apologies to my favorite undergrad ever).
at postdoc u, i’m in the middle of swarms of these undergrad types. mostly professional students, because i always seem to arrive to work as the morning class is filtering out of the big lecture halls on the main floor of the building where i work. then i get to work my through milling crowds, give some dirty looks, and be on my way to work.
well, i finally caught some virus from the swarm of disease vectors. damn you! [shakes fist]
i broke through the mild fever last night, sweating it out through mid morning. i hope to venture back to lab this afternoon to practice the new technique. now that i’ve seen the full range of the results, i am totally fascinated by this phenomenon. i can only do so many trials per day due to the nature of the effect anyway.
really, i honestly tried. with a real professional and the whole bit. as soon as the conversation turned to the things i have sealed away in the recesses of my mind, i completely shut down.
so i’m really not there yet.
what i did to myself during the writing of the dissertation was irresponsible and desperate. it was beyond what needed to happen. and i took it lightly. i joked about it. you guys don’t know the half of it.
i had a whole long post written, detailing all the things i did wrong. things i of all people should have known not to do. and i just can’t say it all here.
yep… that was bound to happen.
i had teh awesome phd mentor, and it took us some time to figure out how best to work together at first. we pissed each other off more than a few times.
now i have more than one postdoc mentor. and yes, the settling-in pains are happening. today was… obnoxious.
it’s very hard for me to describe the grad school-to-postdoc transition, because so much of it to date has involved catching up on New Field and working on developing my independent project (separate from the one that pays my salary) while waiting for new equipment to arrive. here is where i give it a shot.
1. why i chose this group:
lots of factors. scientifically, it was a move i wanted to make. the field shift is in a direction i think is both important and really poorly understood, during a time when we really need to understand it. their interests and mine could really put some cool shit together.
career-development wise, my primary boss is successful, reputable as a very stand-up person, a literal fountain of solid career advice, and very supportive of the idea that a postdoc is a period of career development followed by a launch into the next step. since the field is pretty small, i didn’t have to go far to find someone who knew my primary boss very well. all accounts are very positive. i was not judged because i am unsure which direction i am taking my career after this postdoc.
i am being given a lot of freedom. i mean this both in my day to day life and in terms of creativity to develop my own line of investigation which may eventually leave with me. (and the taking it with me part has been discussed already.) second boss is full of ideas, and i think the two of us could sit down and really bounce some great things off each other. i am looking forward to trying this.
the people i work with are bright. motivation levels are a little lower than i’m used to, but i am not going to let that affect me. i find the group overall supportive, but i think my way of doing things is going to be fairly different. i’ve been given the freedom to do things my way, and i think i can make that work.
2. moving on from grad lab
it was hard to say goodbye to some people, but overall i was so happy to walk away from mega u. i do miss my interactions with phd mentor already… i realize now more than ever what a rare opportunity that was, and how much i’ve benefited from it.
3. getting settled in at postdoc lab
experimental startup here has been slow. frustratingly slow. i was hoping to dive right in to my first pilot experiment, instead i’ve been waiting on several factors. again, i think it’s just the differences in the way things work here. i’m looking forward to setting my own pace and blowing everyone away.
i’ve spent the unwanted downtime reading and putting together ideas for my independent project. all is not lost.
the entire group has been very welcoming. faculty are all very friendly and inviting- the two faculty who were present at my interview weekend/job talk were very enthused to see me. students seem intimidated, though i don’t get why. i am not competing with them. but if they ask naive questions, i won’t hesitate to set them straight.
there is another postdoc, though Other Postdoc (OP) has a very different career path. i make no judgment, it is just my observation that there are substantial differences in where we come from. this is good, it gives me another perspective- i could learn a lot from OP.
mid-level grad student and i have a very similar way of doing things. we’re both total fucking hardasses. i like this one. i am establishing good relationships with the techs- they’re really the ones with the inside scoop.
4. intellectually
i’m consciously pushing myself harder. i’m working on the attitude shift that this is MY career now, this is my first job, even if it’s “just a postdoc” job. this is step 1 toward independence after the phd. this is where someone else is still funding me while i get on my feet and show the world what i can do.
the shift from endpoint(graduation)-driven to there-is-no-endpoint is challenging. i’ve always been a very goal-oriented person. i make lists and check them off, and that’s satisfying. transitioning to having no arbitrary endpoint like a graduation ceremony, and the shifting goals, and basically going into the great wide-open of careerism is a little daunting. i’m doing my best to tackle it.
5. maintaining connections
most importantly, i’m working to retain connections i’ve made along the way. phd mentor is an amazing ally to have in this field, and has always given me straightforward advice and criticism. grad lab postdoc-turned-junior-faculty is a dear, dear friend of mine who has been beyond supportive over the years as i’ve been a step or 2 behind in the career path. industry people who i’ve interviewed with during the job search, or who have been kind enough to grant me informational interviews, are valuable connections. even postdocs from other labs (friends of friends) who i have talked to and asked about lab culture- they are all in the same field, and are good people to keep connected with.
the more people i’m connected to, the better.
6. money
i’m paid monthly. i need a motherfucking paycheck already, but i’m still weeks out. first month of expenses in new city in different part of the country while still living on grad stipend SUCKS!
i guess that’s all that comes to mind right now. any other grad students about to make the transition, if you’ve got questions go ahead and ask.
i’m gonna have to have a talk with one of the bosses about a recent facepalm moment.
during a discussion of a topic in my own area of expertise, i had mentioned some anecdotal evidence that could use some systematic study in a model system, which presented a big, relevant hole in the literature (and is in general the asskicking direction i’m trying to go in my own work). by anecdotal, i mean reports of people using some schedule I substance for reason X with a couple of very small scale, non-RCT clinical investigations of related compounds.
there was no implication of policy, about the scheduled status of the substance, or anything of the sort. and yet, new boss started mentioning policy and the implications that my anecdotal needs-more-work poorly-validated statements made. i literally raised my hands in front of me and made the “i’m backing the fuck off” gesture.
i get it. this is not really an area in which this new boss is experienced. but if we’re going to go into this, it needs to be understood that the data are not the same as the policy. i may be some young, naive and foolish first-year postdoc, but even i know enough to know that.
here’s a quick how-not-to-fuck-up tip:
DO: tie up loose ends (such as finishing manuscript drafts) before leaving grad lab. that was a very good thing, though i’m a bit miffed that i’m STILL waiting on other authors of the paper.
DO NOT: move to a new region of the country, arriving only days before your first day on the postdoc job. i’m still all screwed up because my free time is spent putting my entire fucking life back together.
in better news, i had a pretty good scientific discussion today and all the connections that were slowly forming in the back of my mind FINALLY came together. i started diving into the literature, looking to carve out my little niche of study in the effects of grad-school subject upon new field. i think this would be totally fucking kickass in the context of study that the new bosses discussed as an area of interest that they were trying to branch out into, which cemented my decision to come here in the first place.
Recent Comments