dear SECOND biotech company that shall not be named,

kindly piss off. between you and the original biotech company that shall not be named, a straightforward enough two-month experiment has turned into a totally frustrating five-month exercise in insanity. if any of this had been my fault, it would be one thing. but between dud supplies and dud chemicals i am pretty much at the mercy of your collective idiocy. please get your shit together. i have to get this data, and you are the last thing standing between me and doing so.

also, allow me to share a few tips with your customer service department.

situation 1: customer states the chemical they have been working with for n years is not the same consistency and color in this lot.

inappropriate response: “have you used this chemical before? have you used this assay before?”

appropriate response: “how is it different? has your technique appreciably changed recently?”

situation 2: customer states that they have <2 weeks to submit dissertation, and these data srsly need to be included. also, tomorrow is pretty much the last day the customer can run a diagnostic assay with replacement chemical and still get said data in time.

inappropriate response: “ha, isn’t that funny” [note: yeah. it's so fucking funny. you stupid fuck.]

appropriate response: “i’m sorry for the inconvenience, let me rush ship this to you”

do consider these suggestions in the future. and send me some chemical that actually works, will ya?

frustratedly,

leigh