so i was approached today by some dude. he says to me, “you’re mixed, right?”
i kinda stare in disbelief, not saying anything. when the hell did this become a way to introduce yourself?
“you’re mixed race, right?”
uhhh. does it matter? and why the hell would i want to talk to a stranger about that? how would he feel if i approached him, saying, “hey, you’re black, aren’t you?” that’s a little uncomfortable.
part of me thinks he and his female companion were just looking for a connection in this place, where they were probably 2 out of 150 people in the general vicinity who didn’t look white… AND the only mixed couple to top it off. part of me was kinda annoyed.
they were really nice folks when we got to talking, so i gave them the benefit of the doubt. but rly wtf?
i don’t care what people do or don’t assume about me, but i’ve never been approached like that before.
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May 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Juniper Shoemaker
LOLZ! Happens to me ALL THE TIME. Literally SINCE I WAS A BABY (and my mother had to respond on my behalf).
Seriously, that guy’s introduction of himself to you was just rude. I think it’s rude and discomfiting when strangers introduce themselves to me this way. Even when I understand why they’re doing it, and even when their intentions aren’t malicious.
Moreover, this is true whether I respond gamely or with irritation. I’m an introverted, temperamental and hypersensitive person who has never really “gotten used to” this kind of impertinence– however much I’ve been scolded for my objections to it notwithstanding. So I don’t blame you at all for being annoyed. This whole account makes me wince.
May 30, 2009 at 12:16 pm
leigh
i’m glad i’m not the only one who was just dumbfounded by that entire thing.
May 30, 2009 at 12:41 pm
JLK
At first I read this and was like “WHY would someone do that??”
But then I remembered something. Maybe I’m a jerk too, and if so please tell me because I never really thought about it before. But I have been known, in the context of an ongoing conversation, to ask someone “Hey, I’m curious – what ethnicity are you?”
Is that bad? I’ve been asked countless times what my ethnic heritage is and I’ve never been offended, but I’m informed by a white perspective and therefore cannot accurately imagine what this question might mean to others. In my mind, I’m asking in the same way that people ask me if I’m Italian.
And to add a personal observation – people of mixed race are the most beautiful people EVER. I am always curious to know where the genes came from to create such good-looking human beings.
May 31, 2009 at 12:01 am
BikeMonkey
Didn’t we just have this conversation somewhere? Sounds familiar. My new hypothesis is that since tanfolk are objectively the hawt, people are curious as to the source of such total bombage. Annoying to always get it from strangers I know….
May 31, 2009 at 12:02 am
BikeMonkey
Oh and JLK your answer is Hybrid Vigor.
May 31, 2009 at 11:58 am
leigh
JLK- i have an atypical/funny perspective on this. people’s first assumptions about my ancestry are wrong more or less half the time. i find it pretty amusing, personally.
i don’t mind when people bring up my ancestry in conversation. i actually get it frequently, because i do have some very distinct features. people are gonna ask, that’s fine. but this dude insisted on STARTING the conversation by asking that question, i was inclined to back off. there’s no better way to tell someone you’re judging them based on appearances alone. that makes me uncomfortable.
BM- these conversations, unfortunately, get prompted often by asshattery on the part of general society. as you know, its prevalence is astounding…
June 2, 2009 at 8:23 am
Juniper Shoemaker
But I have been known, in the context of an ongoing conversation, to ask someone “Hey, I’m curious – what ethnicity are you?”
JLK, as you’ve already taken care to point out, this is an entirely different situation than one in which some guy you don’t know from Adam is all, “You’re mixed, right?” out of the flipping blue. I don’t mind satiating other people’s curiosity if I’m not feeling grossly otherized. Some individuals have more finesse than most.
June 5, 2009 at 6:26 pm
whitecoattales
Eh,
when I’ve been in the more rural areas, I’ve often been the first indian person people have met. I get alot of “are you mixed” because alot of the people in question haven’t seen alot outside of black/white/hispanic, and I’m not easy to put in one of those boxes.
It’s times like that I kick myself for being unwittingly stereotypical indian, what with my being an engineer, and a doctor, I’m all of a 7-11 or taxi away from being a stereotype trifecta.
I guess I’ve been getting that type of comment since I was about 5 years old though, so I think of it as part of life.
June 5, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Juniper Shoemaker
when I’ve been in the more rural areas, I’ve often been the first indian person people have met. I get alot of “are you mixed” because alot of the people in question haven’t seen alot outside of black/white/hispanic, and I’m not easy to put in one of those boxes.
Not the same as actually being mixed and therefore getting this question whether you are among whites, blacks, Asians, Latinos, Native Americans or all of the above in rural areas or cities in the United States, Canada, Africa, Western Europe or Korea. There is no “home base” for me to return to, in terms of homogeneity. There is no “break”.
I don’t feel sorry for myself, but I also feel compelled to point this out. You don’t know what it’s like to be mixed unless you are. And, for me, this is not a “no big deal, ’cause I get asked this all the time” issue.
June 5, 2009 at 9:58 pm
whitecoattales
I’m not saying your, JLK, or leigh’s situations and reactions are invalid. I’m only adding to the comments my own experience.
Nor am I saying it’s no big deal to you, or in general. Nor am I comparing being mixed to being indian. I’m certainly not implying that I understand your experience because of my experience.
I’m sorry that that is the impression my comment gave.
June 6, 2009 at 10:35 am
leigh
i think the overarching issue is that some people want to have neat categories. when someone doesn’t appear to fit in one of these pre-defined (ahem, stereotyped) neat categories, all hell breaks loose in assumption world inside those little minds. which seems to make people think they are entitled to just bust out with the comments to strangers about their race out of the blue.
it’s unacceptable, no matter what race/mixture of races the subject in question is.
June 8, 2009 at 1:28 am
Juniper Shoemaker
No worries, Whitecoat Tales. Thank you for your patience.
leigh, you’re exactly right. The religious fervor with which many people rely on racial stereotypes to explain every individual they encounter makes my head asplode. I don’t even comply with stereotypes about black people/half-black people who don’t comply with stereotypes (e.g., I don’t employ standard English in a “white accent” for work/school only to revert to Black English at home; I’m black and Korean, not black and white) and I can just see the wheels turning as various strangers literally squint at me (or my sister) with frustration and just blurt out whatever questions come to mind. It is exactly about the degree to which any given person can deal without neat categories to stick people in.